Love-n-life

Soar.

2009-04-16T16:46:00.011-05:00

Back in the day everyone used to wear these shirts that said *Life is short; Play hard.* Lately I have been reminded of that sentiment which has led me to ask some questions. When was the last time you had a dance party. flew a kite. laid down in the grass on a dark night, and stared up at the stars. Laughed till you peed your pants. Felt the sun kiss your face, and stopped to enjoy it. Kissed the one you love; I mean really good and kissed them. Played in the rain. I have come to realize just how easy it is to get swept up in the pressures and bull shit this life often deals us. Before you know it days turn into weeks, weeks turn into months, and we find ourselves saying *where in the hell did the time go?* We miss out on opportunities to make memories; we miss out on living!

All my life I have been told it is best to follow your head not your heart. Thankfully I have a listening problem. The truth is,following my heart has never let me down. No, things have not always turned out the way I'd hoped, but the lessons I have learned have made it all worth while. Had I followed my head during my college career I may have been a straight A student, but by following my heart I had a blast, met amazing people, and made memories that will be with me a lot longer than any letters on a piece of paper! Your head will lead you to the job with the biggest paycheck.. your heart will lead you to chase that which makes your soul sing, and never allow you to give up on your dreams; even when your head says you should.

What would happen if we traded practicality for possibility, negativity for nurturing, obligation for opportunity, existing for living? What if we all found the courage to say Fuck it, and mustered the strength to pursue our passions? The truth is we are all called to something.. but we rarely have the guts to pursue our calling. Instead we fall in line with what society thinks we should be doing. All the while our souls are suffocating. When are we going to see that life is too damn short to live like that?

I read a quote today that really spoke to me: **The only thing keeping you from getting what you want is the story you keep telling yourself about why you can't have it.** WOW.. I know this is entirely true in my life.. is it true in yours?? What stories are we telling ourselves, what lies are we buying into? Isn't it time to believe in something better, to strive something more?

If we never took the leap we would never know how it feels to fly. No day but today... may today be the day you make the time to let your soul soar! Let joy wash over you; allow it to cause your soul to dance. For once let your heart win.. it will take you to places your mind can only dream of!!

love. always.

Shift.

2009-02-07T19:45:00.005-06:00

They say time flies when you are having fun. The days haven't all been a thrill a minute, but time certainly is flying. I cannot believe it is February already! As I rang in 2009 I promised myself that this year would be a game changer for me. When I am honest with myself I have spent the last few years in neutral, just getting through. It is time for me to shift into drive, and get a little crazy! While I am more than ready for that I find myself spending a lot of time trying to figure out exactly what this shift looks like. One thing's for sure... it is time to let my inhibitions go! Some of you reading this may be rolling your eyes thinking okay, easier said than done! Why is that? When we are young there are no such things as inhibitions. We are fearless, crazy dreamers who fully believe we can hold the world by it's tail. We can be anything we want to be. When does this no longer ring true, and why? Some say it is **part of growing up**. If this is true I am never growing up! Seriously, why is that as we age we allow other's skepticism to over take us & make us throw away our Superman pj's?? Further more, why is it okay?

Sure we out grow our childhood fantasies and perceptions... that is not what I am talking about here. I am talking about the childlike belief that anything is possible, & the ability to find the good in anything! I am fully aware of the difficulties in life, but why do we allow them to seep in and cover us in darkness & jade our spirits? Some would argue that it just happens, but I have to disagree. A good friend once told me that life is 10% what happens to you & 90% how you handle it. Far too often we allow the darkness in & find joy wallowing in it. I know I am guilty of it.

The truth is life it too short to throw away your Superman PJ's. There is no denying the fact that we live in a heavy, stressful world. However we do not have to be sucked down; we don't have to let it get the best of us. Maybe it is time to embrace our childlike wildlike. :)

When was the last time you did some thing simply because it made you feel good? When was the last time you climbed a tree, or flew a kite, or spent some time at the playground? How long has it been since you've had a good belly laugh? Does life really have to be this hard?

Yesterday at work a John Mayer song came on the radio and his words spoke to me. **You should have seen that sunrise with your own eyes; brought me back to life.** WOW. How long has it been since we've experienced a moment like that? Isn't it time? Life is about so much more than $ & having stuff. It is about love, & laughter. Joy & memories. It is far too short to put off till tomorrow. After all, tomorrow is not promised.

While I may not know how the rest of the year is going to play out here are some things I do know.

*I am going to spend more time laughing & less time worrying. It doesn't do me a damn bit of good.

*I am going to carry my camera with me everywhere. You just never know when, or where memories are going to be made.

* I am going to dance daily!

*I will not be ashamed of who I am & what I love. {This includes the Jonas Brothers!}

*I will no longer allow people to make me inferior. Yes, this will take work, but I will take it moment by moment, and if/when I fall I will pick myself up and keep going.

*I will not take myself too seriously.

*I will love people no matter how much it hurts!

Here's to hanging on the monkey bars, dancing in your underwear, & remembering what pure joy feels like!

love. always.

So live your life...

2008-12-11T03:27:00.010-06:00

It has been way too long since I have written; is it me or is time just flying by!? I cannot believe it is almost 2009! 2008 has been a pretty good year, but I have a feeling 2009 is going to be even better! ;) It's interesting, as we begin to look ahead we make so many resolutions we never intend to keep... We dare to dream, but all too often those dreams get washed away by the waves of life. My goal for 2009... to become a surfer! No, I have not lost my mind; rather than let the waves crash down on my dreams it is time for me to switch foot & ride those waves for all they're worth!

For a while now I have been in this funk; which has led me to be afraid of the water so to speak... I could not bring myself to stand & face the waves: instead I screamed & ran away!! I am pretty sure we've all been there, we want something so badly, but when it comes time to stand up & take it: fear, insecurities, low self-esteem get the best of us! The key is to realize that if you don't stand up for what you want & what you believe in who will??!! Remember, change starts with you NOT the person next to you! 3 of my favorite brothers taught me something recently; **it is not about one person giving a lot, it's about all of us giving what we can.** So often we feel like we have nothing to offer; the truth is we all have something to give. I believe that we all possess greatness; we just have to have courage to let it shine! NEVER let anyone take your light away from you. Be bold, shine so bright those around you get a sunburn! :-) If we all found the strength to shine the world would be a much different place. Here's a thought; rather than building ourselves up by tearing others down & making them feel small, we allowed ourselves to be filled by the joy that comes from helping someone shine? One of the beautiful things that comes from finding your voice is that once you do you realize you have the ability to help others do the same.

My advice to ring in the New Year? Live YOUR Life. *Wake up everyday realizing how blessed you are to have another chance to get it right, & be the best you can be! ** Love other people; truly love them... the way you want them to love you! ***Dare to dream; there is no rewind button make each moment count! ****Love yourself! Take the time to realize how special you are & how much you have to offer.

As we look ahead, may today be a gift, may you learn from yesterdays mistakes, and may tomorrow shine as bright as you! Now grab your board & hit the waves... Surf's Up! ;-)

Right here...

2008-10-12T12:42:00.016-05:00

Wow, it's been a while since my last post... not sure anyone reads it anyway, but I enjoy it; that's all that matters. I am definitely going through Samardzija with drawl now that baseball is over. Is it Spring Training yet?? No, that is selfish of me: they deserve the break to regroup, and reconnect with theIr families. We all deserve the chance to do that.

A lot on my heart today; do you ever find yourself wanting more, but not knowing how to get there?? Or looking back on your life, and wondering "how in the hell did I get here?" It's funny how life takes us for a ride sometimes. We tell ourselves we are in control, but sometimes we simply aren't. This is not an easy thing for most of us to deal with... many of us are control freaks, we want to have a plan, execute it, and live happily ever after. Or something like that. ;) A wise woman once told me **life is what happens when you make plans.** Only time could tell me just how right she was.

So what does this mean; never make plans, never have dreams, it is all just a crap shoot?? NO. I think it simply means we have to be very deliberate in making things happen. I have a rock in my living room; it reads as follows: **Some people watch things happen, some people make things happen, some people look around, and wonder what has happened.** Which one are you? Which one would you like to be?? If we are being honest I am a bit of all of them.. but I desire to be the one who makes things happen! The question now is not a new one; how do I get there from here?

I am going to let Robert Frost share his thoughts: **Two roads diverged in a wood, and I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference.** As you might have noticed I am not much for conformity.. so I would also take the road less traveled. Looking back on my life thus far it is safe to say I already have. There are moments when i want to turn around, but if I did it wouldn't be MY journey. That is the beautiful thing; we are all in this together, but no two journeys are the same. Yet, we all have common ground; we all struggle, we all fear, we all experience pain. So why do we hate people? Seriously? At the end of the day we are more alike than we are different.

On this ride called life I want to love, laugh, be crazy, and get dirty. Some people want no part of the messiness of life; I am all for it! No one is perfect, so why be afraid to get dirty?? Have fun, make memories, take risks... LIVE IT UP!! There is no rewind button.

How do we get there from here? By doing something impulsive today. By living life by the seat of our pants for a few minutes. Having the courage to run head long into the waves with no fear. In the end we are where we are for a reason; we have to learn from it, grow, and move on. Feeling sorry for myself will get me no where, and neither will sitting around being angry. Life is too damn short for that! Instead I shall strive to give love to everyone, and hope I leave the world a little better than I found it. And I intend to have a damn good time doing it!! :)

Why is it!!

2008-10-05T00:45:00.009-05:00

WOW! Sometimes people I share this earth with really bum me out... Seriously... is it that hard to be faithful these days?? Just because things don't go the way we expect/want them to we say F it and walk away!!?? Really? When did we become such a bunch of selfish babies? What ever happened to hanging tough no matter what? I am sorry I just don't think it is that hard to hang in... Things aren't always going to be sunny, and beautiful, but that is no excuse for being unfaithful. It truly breaks my heart, and I don't mind telling you it is not how I want to live my life!

On another note the Cubs are going home tonight... My heart is breaking, but I know all of their hearts are breaking even more! I know a lot of people are going to give me shit about how it never pays to be a Cubs fan, or how they will always choke. BLAH, BLAH, BLAH!! I didn't care about those comments a week, or month ago, and I don't care about them now! No, things did not go the way anyone wanted, but rather than sit here, and make excuses for them, or all out hate them; I am simply going to do what I've always done... LOVE them. I realize at this point this is not the popular idea, but this is not a popularity contest. People act like they didn't want to win, or something... that is stupid! Sometimes the pressure can be a bit much. Now for all the people that say they are professionals; they know how to handle pressure, and if they don't they shouldn't be playing. You know what folks, would you like to trade them places?? Could you do any better with 100 years of pressure, angst, and skepticism on your shoulders?? Seriously, it is a hell of a lot easier to play a good game from your couch than it is out there on the field day after day! Again, I am not trying to make excuses; I am just being real here. A true fan doesn't throw a temper tantrum and walk away. No matter how much shit people give me I am going no where!

Guess what: love hurts like hell sometimes, it hurts, it is not easy. We live in a world that constantly wants us to believe that love is a fairy tale, and we all will find our happily ever after. That is not real love... real love holds people up when cancer comes screaming through the door. Real love welcomes home their wounded soldier, and holds them through a hell most of us could never even fathom. Real love would die for someone else. It's a love we just don't hear or see a lot of these days. A love the world is in desperate need of!

As I head to bed with a heavy heart I want to send my love to everyone I know in need. I know it may not fix all of the bad things you are facing, but I hope it helps.

Striving for love & faithfulness ALWAYS!

Stick It

2008-10-03T01:22:00.007-05:00

As you might have noticed from my previous posts I am a very positive person who strives daily to rise above the crap life sometimes brings me. I am a firm believer that negative thoughts, and mindsets get you no where, and life is far too short to get sucked into them. With all of that being said there are those times in life when all you can do is kick ass & take names! Although it may not sound very ladylike, it is true! When you have tried everything to make your greatness known sometimes all that's left is to give it all you have, and show the haters exactly what you're made of! I think at some point in our lives we are all faced with this choice; do we hang our heads, and tell ourselves that all the bull people said about us is true?? Or, do we dust ourselves off, and find the fire in our bellies?? Sometimes I think we need the pressure to feel our hearts race inside our chests. To remember what it feels like to want something so bad! It helps us to remember what it feels like to be alive! Remember, if everything was easy there would be no need for dreams! I personally am I big fan of being the under dog; I think it keeps you hungry, grounded, and appreciative.

While I wrote all of that to remind myself to keep my head up in this time of adversity; I also wrote it for the boys in blue who live on the corner of Clark & Addison, and all the fans who are ready to call it quits. No, the first two games have not looked good, but it is not over! It is time for the 25 amazing men who make up the Chicago Cubs to go to LA, kick some ass, and take some names!! The question is not are they capable, but rather do they believe in themselves?? I know I do! Fellas it is time for you to go out there and play like the champions you are! If you don't believe in yourselves, and each other no one else will!! Forget all the B.S. people try to feed you. Let the negativity roll off your back, and go out there and play!! Let it be fun again!! Think less, play more... You know how to get it done, just trust yourselves!

To all the haters, get over yourselves! It must be exhausting to spend everyday thinking you know it all! Pretty sad if you ask me. True fans do not know the meaning of fare weather, and they never give up! We are all in this together!

I personally am looking forward to a Saturday night special... Chicago style! :) Maybe we'll even get to see some of this sexiness...

Ah, that may be the hottest under dog I've ever seen!! Believe in miracles... they have changed the world!!

<3>

Negativity breeds doubt.

2008-10-02T00:16:00.011-05:00

The first 3 days of this week have been filled with nothing but negativity, and bad vibes. I can say with out a doubt that kind of mindset gets you no where fast! To some people it is a tool for their petty mind games; if they trash talk me I will automatically change me view and do it their way. For others it is just easier to see the bad in everything rather than expound the energy to bring about change. In my eyes both are pretty sad ways to live life. So for those who feel their negativity, and belittling will make me the person they want me to be; I have a rude awakening for you! This young woman refuses to sink to your level! You can say whatever you want about me: how I should be different, or better. Try to fit me into that box you feel I need to be in... see what happens! I am who I am, and I am not changing for anyone!

For those who feel there is no reason to be positive because it all goes south anyway; I have to say I truly feel sorry for you. I do not care what anyone tells me.. there is ALWAYS light at the end of the tunnel! Sometimes we just have to fight, and push, and stretch to our limits to see it! I realize this is not easy, but it is far more worthwhile than giving up. Where does that get you?? Staying stuck is not the answer. You and your life are worth far more than that! It is a fact that negativity breeds doubt, and doubt breeds angst, and fear. I cannot live at that address anymore. Sure there are times when it would be easier to give into my fears, and become content with where I am in my life. Here's the thing, I WANT MORE for myself!! It's time to keep pushing, and get myself there! Time to draw strength from who i know I am. Change starts with me not the person next to me... I pray I never forget that!!

My Cubs did not fair too well tonight, but tomorrow is a new day. If I could tell them anything I would tell them to breathe it out, and don't make it harder than it needs to be. They are more than capable of winning they just have to believe in themselves! And a special note to all the fans who will actually be in Wrigley tomorrow night: GET OFF YOUR ASSES and cheer!!! I have NEVER heard Wrigley so quiet in my life!! Stop worrying about the hundred years, and the curse and all of that B.S. We are playing right now in 2008, and they need your support!!! Stop being chicken... give them the love they need and deserve! One of the reasons they love to play at home is because they know the fans will be there pushing them.. Hello??!! Where were you tonight?? I was screaming louder from home!I am not trying to be bitchy here, but seriously the boys need us!!! It is sad when the sox fans show us up. I know it was not their best outing tonight, but they need to know you are with them right now! What's happened is in the past; for the love of God let it go! This is a new day, and one hell of a team. Let them know how much you love them. Whether you believe it or not it will make a difference.

You all know I cannot end this post with out giving some love to my hottie! Jeff Samardzija you were great tonight!! For his first ever post season appearance I'd say he has a lot to be proud of. The best is yet to come. I can't wait! I will leave you all with a photo of the yumminess!! I'll check in tomorrow after the game. Keep the positivity flowin toward Chicago! Enjoy the hotness below... mmm mmm good!!!

<3>

In a word.. AMAZING!

2008-09-28T22:43:00.002-05:00

I am happy to report it has been a good weekend! Friday night I hung out with G-Rama, and watched the Cubs. It was not their best game, but I got to see a hottie on the mound so... It was great! Saturday, I spent time relaxing, and watched the Cubs get a W. Then it happened... I got the best news I could have asked for! My boy made the play off roster!! WOO HOO!! All the haters out there feel free to go to the back of the line.. your negativity will NOT be accepted! Write it down; this is a name you all need to get used to: SAMARDZIJA. Mark it down folks, mark it down! I am so happy for him I don't even know where to begin. I know you all think I am insane, I just don't care! He is amazing, from double A to the post season in one summer is AMAZING! I don't care who you are or how much you want to complain it is still amazing! He deserves a hug! I am really good at giving them too! Again, I did not say anything about letting go! :-) And just to let everyone know, samardzija-mania will NOT be ending anytime soon! if you have a problem with this please feel free to change the channel.

I said it before, and I'll say it one more time; this is my space to say what I want... I am not going to apologize for doing just that! Tonight I was reminded how fun the simplest things can be. Younger brothers are amazing!!! Who knew buying fruit could be so hilarious! Our parents failed to see the amusement, but he & I had a good time! It is just nice to stop, and take in the beauty around you. SO often we get so caught up in getting more, being more, and doing more. All of those things are great, but it is no excuse not to realize how beautiful the sunset is, or the color of your special some one's eyes. We have to find balance; yin, and yang. Striving for a better tomorrow can't replace the amazing parts of today!

That is my challenge for all of us today, take a moment, or two (they're short!) and just enjoy the sights, and sounds around you. Take a second to soak it up, and give thanks for being a part of it. The journey of life may be a bumpy one at times, but it is worth it! Take the time today to be a part of it, rather than simply get through it. You never know what you've been missing!

Sleep tight everyone! <3

Life Crashing into Dreams...

2008-09-25T22:10:00.008-05:00

The last 24 hours have definitely Gotten the best of me. It's the damnedest thing; we allow ourselves to dream, breathe, and grow only to have life crash in. Leaving everything in shambles, letting the fear back in. That's where I am right now. I want {SO} much for myself, and my life... but reality is a bitch right now. So, once again I am faced with a choice: the same one I've been facing all of my life. Let fear, anger, and insecurity get the best of me, submersing me in blackness. Or pick myself up from the wreckage, and fight like hell! Ever been there? If so, what did you choose??

Luckily I am a fighter. Even when it hurts like hell I find the strength to get back up, and face another day. Believe me, spending my life in a wheelchair is no picnic, but I know it could be worse. **I didn't share that to get sympathy, I just want people to know I understand facing constant adversity in life.** No matter how tough life gets there is always a reason to get back up... sometimes we may not even know what the reason is, but I believe we will in time. The point is when life turns everything upside down, and you feel you have nothing left listen to the small voice inside of you.. find strength in who you are . {NEVER} be afraid to show the world just how great you are! The fact is I believe we all possess greatness; not everyone finds the courage to let it shine. Next time life crashes head on into your dreams leaving you bloodied and bruised stand up, brush your shoulders off, and shine! You never know who might need to bask in your light.

That's what this blog is all about: me being exactly who I am with no apologies. Wouldn't it be amazing if we could all do that. far too often we become what we believe people want us to be. Whose life is this: ours, or theirs? Not to get off on a whole other tangent, but maybe if we strived to be authentic, and love people authentically they to could be authentic. Real love no fairytale, but us is something everyone deserves. We all have the right to be loved for simply being who we are! Why is that so hard for people to grasp? Is It really that much easier to hate??? I'd much rather use my energy to love people, and help them do the same. I don't care what anyone says; love CAN change the world! In fact, it already has!

On a side note tomorrow is Friday WOO HOO! The week has gone really fast. I will be hangin' out with G Rama watching the Cubs! :D It is sure to be a good time. We love our Cubbies. I of course will be praying for some hottness to grace the t.v. screen. I am sorry but he is just yummy! Yeah that's right, I said it! I just want to give him a hug... hey, no one said anything about letting go! :) Like i said this is me; if you don't like it feel free to change the channel. Life is way too short to not say what you mean, and I meant what I said. If I ever get the extreme joy of meeting Jeff I plan to tell him just how amazing I think he is! Right after I remember how to breathe. LOL! Of course, if/when that happens I will tell you all about it. Stranger things have happened...

If our dreams were easily attainable we'd have nothing to work for... then we would never grow. We were not meant to be stagnant, so dare to dream bigger. As they say, **Shoot for the Moon; even if you miss you'll land among the stars.**

Ok, it is bed time for this crazy, dreaming, fighter. Sweet dreams everyone!! I hope I have some... :)

This is fun!!!

2008-09-23T22:23:00.005-05:00

I had SO much fun with my first entry I thought I'd try it again. :) The Cubs did not do so hot tonight, but it's ok... Lou seemed to be testing out the bullpen tonight; I am still a little nervous but I don't think my boy is going back to the minors. In the words of Minxie over at samardzijapaloosa; keep the good energy flowing Jeff's way. :-) Not trying to be a copy cat I just want to show my hottie some love!! Yes, yes I know I am crazy, and that is just how I like it! My friends will be the first to tell you I have been crazy since the day we met, and I will be crazy till the day I die. Being normal is totally over rated.

I just feel really giddy right now, and I am not sure why. I've got to say it feels good to feel this good. Life has been pretty heavy lately (I know I am not on that bus alone), it is nice to just feel alive. Happy, focused, free to dream. Change is hard, but ultimately it is necessary. If we don't change we will never grow. Guess you could say I am having a growth spurt! Who knows, maybe I'll grow to be 6'0. LOL only in my mind! Woo that makes me laugh.

I am excited for what lies ahead. It is scary, but i just know it is going to be amazing! It is time for this girl to get back to being who she really is; not what other people say she needs to be. My goal is Chicago, and allowing myself to live by the seat of my pants. Sounds amazing to me! Like I said in my post earlier it is way to short to sit in the bleachers. This is one crazy girl who is gettin' in the game! Look out world, here I come!

Okay, that is enough fun for one day. I'll try to write tomorrow once I get back from mom's. Keep a good thought that Jeff will pitch tomorrow night... SO HOTT!!!

On that note, sweet dreams everyone!! <3

A Bend In the Road..

2008-09-23T16:58:00.000-05:00

My very first blog... Exciting!

A phone call from a life long friend triggered an eruption of emotion today. I guess that's what I get for burying it for the last 12 years. While I hate the pain it is good to know I am not numb, and I have not allowed myself to become hard like some other people I know. Just a reminder to start living rather than existing.

Which leads me to the title of this entry: it truly describes my life right now. So much has changed in the last month, and I feel I am at a bend, or fork in the road. It is time for me to choose which way to go. Do I continue on the safe route; never rocking the boat just coasting along. Or do I dare to dream. No actually the real question here is do I dare to LIVE. Others may find this both irrational and irresponsible; I really don't care. The fact of the matter is it is far easier to "get through" life, who wants easy? I say go out guns blazing and be who you are! NO REGRETS! I have spent my whole life worrying about what others will think or say. No more! It is time to live it up! Take some risks, get a little crazy. This is not a dress rehearsal, what am I waiting for?! In the words of my man Dave Matthews **Take these chances; place them in a box until a quieter time: lights down you up and die.** We wait for things to be safer, or better, or easier. Tomorrow is not promised so live it up today!

I lot of you reading this (if anyone actually does) might think I am just a stupid girl; if so feel free to stop reading now! I am not trying to be a human cliche I just want to remind myself, and everyone else how quickly it can end. James Dean said it best, **Dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you'll die today.**

Okay, I think you get the point... but before I go we have to talk about one of the loves of my life: THE CUBS! Hate on me all you want, but I have good feeling about this year! For those of you saying **Cubs fans say that every year.** I have to words for you... DON'T HATE! So what if Cubs fans say that every year; we are not fare weather fans... we stand by our team! I BELIEVE, and no one is taking that away for me. This is the year my grandma (who has been a Cub fan for over 60 years) has been waiting for... It also helps that they have the hottest relief pitcher ever! Say it with me now.. JEFF SAMARDZIJA! Whew, when did it get so hot in here! For those of you who have no idea who I am talking about please see the photo below, and check out http://samardzijapalooza.blogspot.com.

Ok, the game is about to come on... maybe more later. GO CUBS GO!!